embodiment

I have been conscious of really being in my body for the past couple of weeks. It feels good, solid, grounded, while at the same time unfamiliar and, literally, rather painful. It's been quite a while since I've had such an intense experience of embodiedness.

For the past week and a half we've been painting our bedroom. It's not a large room, but because the walls are made of a horrible, dark, fakish wood paneling, we had to apply FOUR coats of paint. That's a lot of painting! And because of Alex's rotator cuff, etc. I had to do all of the rolling. Good god, how I ached. (Before and after pictures coming soon. Those of you who have seen this room when it was a chaotic [understatement] storage room will find the transformation mind-blowing.)

In addition to painting for hours each day, I started an aerobics class the same week. Wow! I'm feeling things in parts of my body that I haven't felt in a long time. Although I have been doing lots of walking in the past few months, that only exercises certain muscles and body parts. Whereas, my aerobics class challenges me physically much more than walking does. Fortunately, it is also helping to bring me back into my body.

The wood refinishing class I started yesterday is more of the same; sanding for two and half hours requires constant bodily presence. Painful, but rewarding. (I'm working on the 1950s era coffee table and side table that Alex picked up at a thrift store years ago.)

All this physicality is a much-needed counterpoint to the normal state of affairs, which I guess could be termed disembodiment. More often than not, I find myself disconnected from my body. Sometimes it's conscious. Mostly it's not. It manifests most frequently as escape into the world of my computer: playing games, posting blog entries, e-mailing, net surfing, working on documents, organizing files, etc.

It's the realm of the mind, not the body, that is most familiar and comfortable to me. Yet, what I yearn for is to find that delicate balance between mind and body, which, mostly, eludes me. I am quite sure that fear is the primary factor. These past few days of frequent physical exertion have reminded me that I can be connected to my body even if I feel fear and discomfort.