meditation anxiety

Yesterday's DailyOm, about the obstacles to meditation that we sometimes experience, really hit home for me:

November 1, 2007
Avoiding Your True Power
Afraid To Meditate

There are times when we feel the pull to meditate but are swayed from it by the excuses that spring to mind. We may think that we are too busy, have no time to ourselves, or that we do not have the right place to meditate. Our minds can think of dozens of reasons to put off meditation. But those are even stronger reasons to look past the illusion of the hustle and bustle of daily life and to connect to the place within that intersects with the timeless power and limitless potential of the universe. From that place we can experience that potent stillness that exists at all times, and it is only as far as away as our breath.

It might be useful to ask yourself why you would put off something so beneficial to your peace of mind and general well-being. (more)

I understand the power of meditation. It's the heart of Siddha Yoga Meditation, and central to my practices. Yet, I often find myself avoiding it, while at the same time wondering why I do. Usually, my excuse is lack of time or not having the "right" environment in which to meditate; the house is too messy or I'm too busy to stop and meditate. It's silly because I have even created a little nook in my bedroom in which to meditate, but I rarely use it (although, just seeing it every time I'm in there has a very calming effect -- it reminds me of my spirituality).

I suspect that this avoidance has less to do with time or place than with the nature of meditation itself. In my case, the getting to the meditative state is, many times, fraught with challenges: the chatter in my head; general anxieties bubbling to my consciousness; hyper awareness that I "should" be meditating, and so on. In other words, my own head is my greatest enemy (not just in meditation, either, of course).

But I also know that I can get past those mental obstacles and experience the bliss of meditation if I just sit with those uncomfortable thoughts and emotions long enough for them to settle down. The key, perhaps, is discipline. And regularity. And remembering, too, that just the process of sitting quietly with myself, whether I reach some supposed state of bliss or not, is meditation.