my miniature museum

This birthday I received some marvelous treats: comfy new shoes; suitcase packing cubes (for my upcoming travels); a cozy scarf with warming stones; scented lotion and bath gel; seafood dinners (yeah, I'm eating fish again)...

But the most wacky, creative, and outrageous gift by far is the hand-made miniature traveling museum presented to me by my ever-resourceful father. This cabinet of curiosities was compiled by Pops himself, using a few found objects and whole lot of imagination. Here's the collection as kept in its mobile case:



It came wrapped in plain brown paper, cleverly concealing the value of its contents. Nestled within the box was an assortment of colorful and fascinating oddities. The first clue as to the significance of the contents was this piece of paper sheathed in plastic:



It reads:
"These rare historical antiquities cover a time span from the late Cretaceous period to the early 19th century. This collection is given in trust to uninitiated antiquities lovers on their birthday to keep in safe-keeping until they are again sent to another antiquity lover on their birthday. New items may be added with their brief historical record. Each recipient should add their name or e-mail address or snail-mail address to the enclosed log that travels with the collectibles. Nancy Arnold Harris is the first recipient[...]"

My husband, who was present at the unveiling, was quite trepidatious, but I was a more bold and immediately began exploring the objects inside.

THE CURIOSITIES WITHIN

Rather than describe them myself, I will illuminate these curious objects with photographs and transcriptions of the labels accompanying each item.



"This replica of an Egyptian Red Fronted Serin dates back to 45 BC. It was carved from an Oryx horn by Damon of Alexandria who took a perilous journey to deliver his gift to his father, a general in Julius Caesar's army. It was pilfered from an Iraqi Museum and I discovered it at a swap meet where I obtained it by swapping two gold teeth, a Twinkie Bar, and a signed Lincoln penny for it."



"This is the original Karate Rabbit used in the movie, Karate Rabbit Strikes Back. Two thousand different poses were required by this hand-crafted original to make a full-length feature. This was once owned by Jack Rabbit who received it as an honorary gift from Animal Fiction Films. He put it on eBay for $10,000 and my bid for $295 was accepted by Jack."



"This replica of a now defunct Toltec Cardinal was crafted by the Coronation High Priest for the coronation of the Toltec King at Chichen-Ia in the Yucatan Peninsula in 975 AD. This ceremonial stuffed Toltec Cardinal was preserved in sacred cactus juice and jalapeño peppers in the tomb, Mucho Scratcho, until it was discovered in 1931 by Gaucho Gringo. In 2007, Gaucho ran out of hot tamales and Kickaboo Joy Juice and put this sacred Cardinal on sale for $1799 on Amazon.com. I, being a masterful bargainer, gave him $287 and a bottle of 1931 Kickaboo Joy Juice for the King's Cardinal."



"This Chinese Mallard dates back to the Hunan Dynasty. The Chinese name for this Sacred Duck is Bonghwang, which represents virtue and grace and the union of the Yin and the Yang. The Empress Funghuang owned this Sacred Duck in the Sub-Prefecture in Hunan in the year 1300 AD."



"The Twenty Mule Team Borax Co. was started in 1808 by Wilbur Fels and Edgar Naptha in Scottsdale, AZ and an accidental by-product occurred when a wagon load of borax fell on a load of mule manure, in a rain storm, and in the process of cleaning it up, soap bubbles appeared that resulted in a laundry soap named Fels-Naptha."



"This rare Fly Catcher product was issued to World War One German troops by the Imperial Order of the Kaiser because the rations issued were Limburger cheese and odorous sauerkraut, which flies cannot resist."



"Beelzebufo. In 1993 a paleontologist, who was seeking evidence that a huge, now extinct, killer frog roamed the ancient forests of Madagascar, was led to that discovery by local tradesmen. They said that the perfectly preserved remains reappeared every full moon by lunar forces that withdrew it from the depths of a tropical sink hole. He retrieved it and sold it to me for 20 lbs of ancient Irish Bog Tea."



"Anidori spent the first years of her life learning to communicate with the barn geese. The King of Fildenree learned of her here-to-fore magical powers and made her Keeper of the Royal Geese and a princess in his kingdom. This is a stuffed replica of one of those geese."

This assortment of rarities is one of my father's most inventive and entertaining creations. And that's saying A LOT, given his (slightly wacked) artistic streak. Truly, I'm lucky to have him as a dad, even if he is a bit on the loopy side.

I LOVE this collection! The art historian/collections specialist in me just digs it. It will be difficult to part with, but I am mandated to present this gift to another antiquities lover on her/his birthday. I even have a recipient in mind! And I will certainly contribute my own "antiquity" to the assemblage. (I have that in mind, too, and will document it here in the future.) Until then, enjoy this little virtual museum.