facing fear

How apropos that it is Halloween because I want to talk about fear today, having recently been asked to create a collage to represent my (many!) fears. Quite a while ago, in a different context, I completed a 4th step, in which I "reviewed my fears thoroughly." My list of fears was quite extensive and rather overwhelming. Nevertheless, it was a very enlightening and valuable exercise, one which I would enjoy repeating, were I a more active 12th-stepper. The visual representation I completed this morning allowed me to revisit many of the fears I enumerated in my 4th step and which, unfortunately, I continue to face daily (albeit often on an unconscious level).

I began my project by searching for images in magazines and on the Internet that would capture the essence of my numerous fears. There were a few good ones:







But I ended up with just one image, from a catalog of Thomas D. Mangelsen's nature photography. (I have 3 amazing penguin photographs of his.) It is an image of a harsh snowy landscape punctuated by two leafless tress bounded by a spare fence. I'm not entirely sure why I picked it as the sole image in my representation of fear, because it is undeniably beautiful. But, perhaps the starkness and cold evoke in me a sense of trepidation and loneliness. To enhance that effect, I crumpled it and centered it on sheet of white art paper:



I discovered, however, that the image really needed text to, literally and figuratively, frame it. So, as I did in my 4th step, I "downloaded" as many fears as I could access, printed them out, and wrapped them around the landscape:



Some of my fears:

going insane, being judged by others, poverty, dying, the death of loved ones, never finishing the house, never selling the house, never getting out of debt, losing touch with close friends, never returning to the art world, emotions, not being liked, being out of control, never having children, cooking, expressing myself on my blog, not being perfect, getting old, being constantly fearful, being alone, being attacked, failure, being overwhelmed, getting cancer, upsetting someone, being stupid, being ugly, my temper, money

This is what the final visualization looks like, and I'm genuinely pleased:



The process of creating this collage was, indeed, quite cathartic. I guess its effect is a bit like "turning it over," as they say in the 12th-step world.

What are your fears? How would you represent them?