Compassion and Self-Hate, Part II

In Part I of my discussion of Theodore Rubin's book, Compassion and Self-Hate: An Alternative to Despair, I briefly explained his elaboration on the numerous manifestations of direct, or overt, self-loathing (addictions, depression, self-criticism, etc.). But there are many indirect ways that we sabotage ourselves.

Unlike direct self-hate, which usually comes and goes in acute bursts [calling yourself and idiot in front of others, for example], indirect self-hate is chronic and long-ranged in its effect. (p. 80)

Most common among the forms of indirect self-hate are illusions regarding power, money, sex, and so forth, with respect to ourselves, as well as to others. Illusions are conceptions we hold about ourselves and the world, which are not based on reality, and which ultimately denigrate and undermine our sense of self-worth. This is especially pernicious when one holds opposing illusions, for example, that one is (or should be) all-knowing at the same time believing that one knows absolutely nothing. In other words, one perceives oneself, alternately, as both supremely intelligent and completely stupid. That's a sure set up for self-hatred because neither are based on the actual self or reality. (Or, similarly, one maintains both a superiority and an inferiority complex, leading inevitably, as Rubin would argue, to inner confusion, turmoil, and self-hatred.)

There is hope, thankfully, in the form of self-compassion.

Compassion is the only antidote to self-hate and the only human prerogative and alternative to neurotic despair...Compassion is any and all thoughts, feelings, moods, insights and actions that serve the interest of actual self...Compassion is enhanced wherever and whenever consciousness displaces repression and unconsciousness...Compassion is, ultimately, a state of mind in which benevolence reigns supreme and in which a state of grace is established with ourselves. This state of grace is antithetical to the promotion of self-hate...Relative psychic peace can only exist in a compassionate emotional environment. (pp. 133-134)

I love the idea of compassion as benevolence and grace toward ourselves. It reminds me so much of the teachings of Siddha Yoga and Gurumayi, which urges us to always honor the divine within ourselves.

To be continued...