Path Day

Last Saturday was a Path Day at Victoria's, when we were invited and encouraged to walk the Path, chat with friends, paint a rock, or add something to the Path. Alex painted a rock for Max, his beloved kitty who died in 2004. I painted a rock for my dad, who died on July 14 of this year. Below are some pictures of our new rocks, as well as the existing rocks in our little plot on the Path, in addition to some views of the Path and the Rio Grande.

Max-cat's orange rock.

A green and orange rock for Pops, along with 3 orange marbles (I need to find some green ones), and his owl paper weight.

The Harris plot.

A view of the Rio Grande from the Path.

Alex freshening up our wedding rock.

angel for mom

Thanks to my dear friend, Victoria, I have the perfect homecoming gift for Mom's return to The Bridge this week: an angel made specially for her by Alamosa artist, Judith Greenwood. Here she is:

resolution

My current goal for the coming 12 weeks: to eat better, walk more, and meditate regularly. Click below to see the daily "checklist" I've created to help me track and stay on task during this process. I think I'm up to the challenge, but time will tell. For now, I'm hopeful.

the mind

Love your mind.

The mind is the friend
who leads you by its restlessness
to search for God.

The mind is the instrument
by which you detect
the inner world.

--Swami Muktananda

begin again

Seize hold of the moment that is before you
and begin again
your journey to the inner universe.
Right now, wherever you are on the path,
however many times you have faltered,
begin again.

There is such joy
in beginning the day anew.
Just as your breath travels in and out
over and over again,
tirelessly, in the same way,
if you feel you have faltered on the path,
begin once again.

-- Gurumayi Chidvilasanda

Shakti

I'd like to share yesterday's contemplation from a Siddha Yoga book titled Resonate with Stillness: Daily Contemplations from the words of Swami Muktananda and Gurumayi Chidvilasanda.

It is Her [Shakti*] nature to dance with great joy, and therefore there is always a gentle motion, a slight sway in your being, even when you are absolutely still.

As She gently moves in and around you, She sings to Herself. So listen to the sound She makes. Whatever you hear, every sound manifests from Her. As you become absorbed in the inner sound of the Shakti, you glide into meditation. Your breath is Her whisper. Your breath is Her song. Your breath is Her dance. To please the Shakti, to awaken her within us, and to keep Her glory manifest in our being, we chant Her own song to Her -- the sound Om.

-- Gurumayi Chidvilasananda

*In the book's glossary, Shakti is defined as "force, energy, spiritual power, according to Shaivite philosophy, the divine or cosmic energy that manifests the universe, the dynamic aspect of supreme Shiva."

dance therapy

Part I

Last Saturday night I attended a "Community Dance Sanctuary" in Durango, billed as "An Ecstatic Dance Journey." It was actually my second time there, having gone with Chris last Spring. For various reasons -- timing, my hip, etc. -- it took me nearly a year to return. But I'm glad I did, despite a few drawbacks.

What I didn't like about the dance:

1) It started at 7pm, but the opening "ceremony" lasted over 45 minutes, so the dancing didn't actually get going until about 8pm. (It became apparent why so many attendees arrived after the first hour.)

2) The burning of sage. Yuck! One of my least favorite odors.

3) The music (World) was too fast-paced and not "trance-like" enough for my taste. I wanted something a bit more mellow, but still "ecstatic." I ended up leaving about 8:30pm because I couldn't handle any more. Not that I was upset, just a bit overwhelmed by the intensity of the music.

4) Feeling self conscious about dancing with so many strangers. What helped a bit was taking off my glasses. It blurred my vision just enough so that I couldn't see the details of the people around me, thus enhancing the sense that I was in my own world, unaware of whether other dancers were watching me or not.


What I really liked about the dance:

1) The majorly woo-woo/hippy vibe. I really dig that sometimes. Reminds me of drum circles I've been to.

2) The opening rituals/ceremony -- although way too long -- were grounding as well as provocative (in the sense of being thought-provoking). The woman who led the ceremony at one point asked us all to lay down and think about the passing of Winter and the arrival of Spring. And in so doing, contemplate what we want to leave behind from the last season, and what we'd like to usher into our lives in the new season. That really got me thinking. I decided that what I want to release is disconnectedness: to my body, my friends, my family, my creativity, and my spirituality. And conversely, I wish to recover connectedness to Self, others, and spirit.

3) Some of the World music was really awesome.

4) The free-flow, individual dancing was invigorating, liberating, and spiritually expansive. In a strange way, the dance provides an atmosphere in which I can be in my own private world while also amidst a group of others who are also in their own worlds. It's much like meditating in a room of others: each person accesses their own divine Self, which is mysteriously enhanced or supported by being in a communal setting. At least that's how it is for me.


* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Part II

Another positive consequence of the Community Dance Sanctuary was my inspiration to bring just a bit of that spirit and energy home to share with Alex and Mom.

So, last night I invited them to "Nancy's Dance Party." In preparation, I burned a CD with a mix of danceable songs from my music files. (Madonna, ELO, Josh Turner, Michael Jackson, Lady Gaga, etc.) It wasn't meant to be just like the Ecstatic Dance I attended. Rather I wanted to give us all an opportunity to have some fun, and get a little exercise at the same time.

Alex took a little prodding (Mom was gung-ho) but he eventually agreed to take a break from studying and join the party. Here he is stretching in preparation for the festivities:



Mom and Alex start grooving:



I was way into it from the start:



Mom got creative and did some fancy dancing in the recliner:



She had a blast:



Even Ebony got into the spirit:



Lady Gaga couldn't keep Alex from hustling even while preparing dinner:



Kitchen knife as dancing prop. Unique!:



I am determined to get us all dancing at home on a regular basis -- it was quite energizing and tons of fun.

Hafiz

I recently read a compilation of poems by Hafiz, the 14th-Century Persian Sufi Master. His deeply spiritual compositions are both profound and accessible. I'd like to share some of them from the book The Gift: Poems by Hafiz, The Great Sufi Master, translated by Daniel Ladinsky.

WHEN I WANT TO KISS GOD

When
No one is looking

I swallow deserts and clouds
And chew on mountains knowing
They are sweet
Bones!

When no one is looking and I want
To kiss
God

I just lift my own hand
To

My

Mouth.


*********************************************************

NOW IS THE TIME

Now is the time to know
That all that you do is sacred.

Now, why not consider
A lasting truce with yourself and God.

Now is the time to understand
That all your ideas of right and wrong
Were just a child's training wheels
To be laid aside
When you can finally live
With veracity
And love.

Hafiz is a divine envoy
Whom the Beloved
Has written a holy message upon.

My dear, please tell me,
Why do you still
Throw sticks at your heart
And God?

What is it in that sweet voice inside
That incites you to fear?

Now is the time for the world to know
That every thought and action is sacred.

This is the time
For you to deeply compute the impossibility
That there is anything
But Grace.

Now is the season to know
That everything you do
Is sacred.

detachment

"When you are detached, you gain a higher vantage point from which to view the events in your life instead of being trapped inside them. You become like an astronaut who sees the planet Earth surrounded by the vastness of space and realizes a paradoxical truth: The earth is precious and at the same time insignificant. The recognition that This, too, will pass brings detachment and with detachment another dimension comes into your life -- inner space. Through detachment, as well as nonjudgment and inner nonresistance, you gain access to that dimension."

--Eckhart Tolle, A New Earth: Awakening to Your Inner Purpose, p. 225

in short...

If 12-step opened the
door to my spiritual life,
then Siddha Yoga blew
it right off the hinges.

conversing with the universe

DailyOm

April 18, 2008
Asking And Receiving
Prayer And Meditation

Prayer and meditation are similar practices in that they both offer us a connection to the divine, but they also differ from one another in significant ways. Put simply, prayer is when we ask the universe for something, and meditation is when we listen. When we pray, we use language to express our innermost thoughts and feelings to a higher power. Sometimes, we plumb the depths within ourselves and allow whatever comes to the surface to flow out in our prayer. At other times, we pray words that were written by someone else but that express what we want to say. Prayer is reaching out to the universe with questions, pleas for help, gratitude, and praise.

Meditation, on the other hand, has a silent quality that honors the art of receptivity. When we meditate, we cease movement and allow the activity of our minds and hearts to go on without us in a sense. Eventually, we fall into a deep silence, a place that underlies all the noise and fray of daily human existence. In this place, it becomes possible for us to hear the universe as it speaks for itself, responds to our questions, or sits with us in its silent way.

Both prayer and meditation are indispensable tools for navigating our relationship with the universe and with ourselves. They are also natural complements to one another, and one makes way for the other just as the crest of a wave gives way to its hollow. If we tend to do only one or the other, prayer or meditation, we may find that we are out of balance, and we might benefit from exploring the missing form of communication. There are times when we need to reach out and express ourselves, fully exorcising our insides, and times when we are empty, ready to rest in quiet receiving. When we allow ourselves to do both, we begin to have a true conversation with the universe.

I can't say that I have a strong practice of prayer, although I'm pretty sure I get the concept. As stated so beautifully above, prayer is speaking to the Universe (the Divine, the Realm of Spirit, God, however you want to conceive it), whereas meditation is listening to the Universe. I've always been a better listener than a talker. Maybe that's why, in recent years, I've been able to begin to meditate, while prayer has remained much less accessible to me. It's time to start talking, I guess.

nonresistance

"Whatever happens is the form that the Now takes. As long as you resist it internally, form, that is to say, the world, is an impenetrable barrier that separates you from who you are beyond form, separates you from the formless one Life that you are. When you bring an inner yes to the form the Now takes, that very form becomes a doorway into the formless. The separation between the world and God [spirituality, divinity, the Universe, higher power...] dissolves."

-- Eckhart Tolle, A New Earth: Awakening to Your Life's Purpose, pp. 207-208

fears fire

It was last Halloween, ironically, when I posted about facing my fears. I've held onto that fear-collage for almost six months now and it just occurred to me that I no longer want the visualization of my fears hanging around, taking up space and energy in my world. So, I decided to burn it, fully conscious of the significance and efficacy of that act, as fire destroys, purifies, transforms, and finalizes.

Here is my collage, awaiting its transmutation:



I tore the collage and placed the pieces in a clay pot where I set them on fire and watched them slowly burn to ash.











While it wasn't some sort of exalted experience, it was a significant one. It feels as if, even in a small way, I've allowed myself to release something of my fears, and that's worth alot.

another truism

Worrying is using your imagination
to create something you don't want.

-- Abraham-Hicks

so true...

The only problem with leaving
and going someplace else
is that you take yourself with you.

--Abraham-Hicks

challenges

Facing a difficult task? I found the following DailyOm essay to be helpful in that arena.

February 19, 2008
Outside The Comfort Zone
Things We Don’t Want To Do

Most of us have had the experience of tackling some dreaded task only to come out the other side feeling invigorated, filled with a new sense of confidence and strength. The funny thing is, most of the time when we do them, we come out on the other side changed and often wondering what we were so worried about or why it took us so long. We may even begin to look for other tasks we’ve been avoiding so that we can feel that same heady mix of excitement and completion.

Whether we avoid something because it scares us or bores us, or because we think it will force a change we’re not ready for, putting it off only creates obstacles for us. On the other hand, facing the task at hand, no matter how onerous, creates flow in our lives and allows us to grow. The relief is palpable when we stand on the other side knowing that we did something even though it was hard or we didn't want to do it. On the other hand, when we cling to our comfort zone, never addressing the things we don’t want to face, we cut ourselves off from flow and growth.

We all have at least one thing in our life that never seems to get done. Bringing that task to the top of the list and promising ourselves that we will do it as soon as possible is an act that could liberate a tremendous amount of energy in our lives. Whatever it is, we can allow ourselves to be fueled by the promise of the feelings of exhilaration and confidence that will be the natural result of doing it.

constructing romance

In the spirit of Valentine's Day, here are some helpful hints for planning those ever important date nights.

DATE NIGHT RULES

1. GET OUT OF THE HOUSE.

No activity at home counts toward date night. Home will remind you of your practical and logistical matters.

2. NO MOVIES AND NO OTHER ENTERTAINMENT THAT REQUIRES YOU TO FACE IN THE SAME DIRECTION.

You'll need to face each other. You are the entertainment. (There is an exception to this rule. If you have enough time, you can watch a movie and then spend a couple of hours talking over dinner. In any event, the point is that you need at least a couple of hours to really be together.)

3. DON'T INVITE ANYONE ELSE, AND DON'T ATTEND ANYTHING SOCIAL.

Date night is for you and your partner only.

4. SCHEDULE AT LEAST A COUPLE OF HOURS FOR DATE NIGHT.

Date night should be an evening.

[source]

already gone

Someday (when exactly, who can say?) we'll be living in a different house, a different town, and a different state. I've known this for quite some time. And the more time passes, the more I'm already gone. The more I'm already there. This creates a quite a bit of dialectical tension for me, as I negotiate the balance between my disconnection with the here/present and my longing for the there/future. I've written about this earlier, in response to a DailyOm article, concluding the importance of remaining grounded and present to my current reality, remembering that I am where I am, it is what it is, and it will be what it will be. The best I can do is to keep (hopefully happily) plugging away at my efforts toward getting out of here while striving to remain connected to the people, places, and things that constitute what I now call home, here.

I've recently been given an assignment to consider ways that I might enrich my current life, countering, to some extent, my "already gone-ness." This made me remember the ways in which my life is already blessed: I have fantastic friends here and in other places; I have close relationships with many family members; I have a strong network of health-care providers (crucial for my mental health); my relationship with my husband grows stronger daily; I have the sweetest little Kitter in my life; we are making slow but steady progress on the home improvement campaign; I have Siddha Yoga, my beloved spiritual practice; I am taking a great construction class (as in building houses); and the list could continue, indefinitely.

Nevertheless, I have created this idealized dream of how life in Colorado will be and, of course, in that dream everything is, well, perfect. Unlike my present life. So, again, my task is to create, to the extent that I can, the life that I want while still here in Santa Barbara. Okay, so what does that look like? It might consist of: getting out of the house more often; visiting more of the must-see-before-I-leave places on my to do list; getting to more 12-Step meetings; walking more regularly; taking advantage of the amazing Adult Ed offerings here; and marketing my business more actively. Easier said than done. But, let's see if I can, at least, strive to bloom, even if my roots remain shallow.

shades of love

An essay by Jack Arnold...

Romantics assert that we should love everyone, including those who have trespassed against us. Love is a nebulous word, which describes a myriad of meanings and a range of emotions in all of us except the most cold-hearted. There is romantic/erotic love, which takes place between two people to bring them to wholeness and completeness. There is paternal love, which bonds us to our progeny by our need to nurture and, ultimately, share vicariously in their joys and pains. There is love of our country, church, and other organized groups that are so important to us. There is love of our family, friends, and pets, who add quality to our lives. There is love of ourselves, which is essential for developing healthy self-esteem. And, finally, there is the most difficult love of all, which is to love those antagonists in our lives who have maligned us. I believe that we all must strive to love even our detractors and forgive them even when they continue to harbor animosity against us. Since love has so many complex forms, it is useful to identify them so we can be more precise when we use that all-encompassing word. A word so malleable that we can say, with utter conviction, “Darling, I just maddeningly love my fingernail polish!”

recollections

As I mentioned in a previous post, I'd taken on the daunting task of sorting and albumizing (did I just coin a word?) my mother's photo collection. I'm pleased to report that I've finished the massive venture, resulting in 5 handsome (and veritably bursting) photo albums:



Averaging 4 photos a page, I estimate that I processed at least 700 photos. That's a s**t load of photos! And I didn't even use all the photos in the collection. There were at least 150 photos that didn't make the cut. (I couldn't bear throw most of them away, so they're being mailed to family members who might want them for their own photo albums.)

I photographed a few of the pages to share here.

These photos, of my great-grandparents on my father's side, are the oldest images in the collection:


Here's my beautiful grandmother, Margot, on my mother's side (if only I looked more like her):


I was able to save the loose (and crumbling) black pages, with tipped-in photos, which my father created in the 1950s while in the Air Force. That's my Pop in the lower left corner of the page.


Here I am, around age 2:


More baby pictures of me, with my folks:


Now I hit the awkward stage! This is me in 5th grade, with a haircut I've always regretted. What were they thinking?!


Still awkward, but with better hair, in 6th and 7th grade:


There were less and less pictures of me and my younger brother starting around this time because right around then my older brother and sister (who are 15 and 14 years older than me, respectively) started having children, and they (the grandkids) took over the photographic limelight. I think I filled these photo albums with a least 200 baby pictures of my nieces and nephews. No kidding!

Despite the labor intensity, I had a great time putting this collection into order. I ought to start charging for my services, though.